St. Marks Evangelical Lutheran Church
Brothers and Sisters in Christ,
Grace to you and peace from God our Father and from our Lord Jesus Christ.
If you haven’t read or watched Brené Brown, I encourage you to do so. I have read several of her books, The Gifts of Imperfection and Daring Greatly and am currently reading devotionally Dare to Lead. She came to national prominence with her TED Talk in Houston in 2010, https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_the_power_of_vulnerability.
I rewatched this 20-minute clip in preparation for this article, and it brought tears to my eyes as I recalled her straightforward call to overcome shame and fear by seeking to be vulnerable, wholehearted, and authentic. Read The Gifts of Imperfection to understand her themes or watch her Netflix hour long series, The Call to Courage.
Her thesis is that shame is at the heart of what breaks our fundamental need for connection and belonging. According to researcher Brené Brown, shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging. It is a universal, primitive emotion driven by the fear of disconnection, focusing on the self ("I am bad") rather than behavior ("I did something bad"). Everybody has it. The more we deny it, the stronger its power over us and the greater its effect on our lives. It thrives in secrecy, silence and judgment. Shame manifests as a "warm wash" over us, driving internal dialogues like "never good enough" and "who do you think you are?".1
Her work resonates with me for three reasons. First, it is personal. She made me aware that my need for perfection and my fear of failure was driven by shame. And, to cope with shame I indulge in numbing behavior. Over the years I am learning to lessen shame’s effects as I identify the triggers and practice vulnerability and authenticity. This is not “mission accomplished” but growth in a positive direction.
Second, shame is universal. All of us are affected by it. I see its effects among people I know and people in the news. Being able to see shame’s work gives me greater empathy towards those who are caught in it and the ability to help people overcome it.
Finally, the antidote to shame is knowing that you are worthy of love and acceptance. This is the heart of the Gospel message which I have been called to preach. We are called to believe that God finds us worthy of love, so worthy that he gave his only beloved Son so that we might experience that love. God invites us to risk loving others and to risk loving ourselves. Even though the love of Jesus is spurned and rejected by many, and even though we might experience love’s rejection, we don’t stop loving from fear of shame because that love is the only thing that makes us fully human and fully alive.
Peace,
Pastor Doug
